"a glimpse of those caught in my mind"

can’t get enough.

nitsa1980:

OK. i can’t go crazy on twitter so i’ll go crazy here. 

seriously need a break from life.

(via fuckyeahchaseungwon)

:)

”:)”

Trying so hard living each day making at least 1 smile. 

just a piece of crap

ok.

i want to scream really badly (without being spotted by anyone)

i know how sometimes someone get dragged to your world of sadness because u told her/him how pitiful you are… I am trying not to be like that. 

In fact I tried so hard : 

- not to look pitiful 

- not to put burden on anyone else

- to deny the fact that i am.. indeed, lonely 

- not to show to everyone and just make them worried 

- trying not to attract attentions by tweeting miserable things in facebook / twitter / others 

- not to be a dramaqueen (I hate THOSE and I AM.. NOW.. being ONE)

in fact, NOTHING HAPPEN

The thing is ONLY loneliness…

ONLY the fact that i’m waiting for my blackberry to ring and it didn’t although i waited for the whole time. 

ONLY the fact that i opened my email and there’s nothing. 

ONLY the fact that i looked around and saw no one. 

let alone boyfriend, I even can’t find someone to talk to. 

At time like this, I didn’t even think about others whose fate are a lot more miserable than me, like those with handicap, or those without money, etc. 

i saw only me and mylife, and how unlucky i am. 

and how i am disgusted with my self-centered self. 

Now i know when I see this post the next day, I’m gonna feel so ashamed. 

PS: I missed those sinful & sleepless nights.. Even just for hours I feel loved although i knew it’s not real. 

I have to get a grip right now. 

世界で、どうして私がここにいるか？そのことがよく考えていた。

正直、たぶん、私がこの世界にいるのりゅうは、ほかの人に幸せをあげる。ほかの人が嬉しいながら、その幸せ感じが私も感じていた。ほかの人が幸せで、私の思いがよくなる。でも、今はみんながどこにいるか？正直、私に、友達が本当に大事なことです

ね、友達、今日の夢の中だけ、私の世界にいってくれないか？ちからをもらいたい。自分で、動きできなかった。

神様、彼しいがほしいんですけど、今は一番大切なことはやっぱり自分のしあわせだと思う。その幸せかんじを探すために、てつだってください。

untitled letter part 1

Firstly, I wanna say.. I hope none of the things below ever crossed your mind.. and I pray, that forever you will never do :) 

… When u said you feel ugly, I thought, I feel a hundred times uglier

… When u said you feel lonely, I thought, in fact I feel a thousand times lonelier 

… When u said it’s really hard to find someone, I thought it will be many times harder for me 

… When u said heartwarming things to calm me down, I felt very thankful, even if I knew some are white lies. 

But most importantly, when u said you’re happy, I felt 100 times happier.

These are things I could not say, and will never say directly, because I’m afraid you will stop telling me those things because you consider how I feel too much. 

… My happiness, it’s just not about myself :) 

I’m okay. I’m perfectly okay. I’m going to be okay. 

:(